RYAN GARCIA LOVE & HATE! from BIGGEST NAMES IN BOXING & UFC • Doping Saga Continues
Ryan Garcia’s “B” Pattern got here again constructive for Osterine, a banned steroid. That was no shock, as anybody with a gram of brains of their head knew it was inevitable. The very very first thing out of Cryin’ Ryan’s mouth was, “It’ an inside job!” Hahaha. Shades of “Cease The Metal!” Taking a web page out of Donald Trump’s playbook as the largest liar since Jon Lovitz’s ‘The Pathological Liar’ on Saturday Night time Stay, Group Garcia invokes The Conspiracy Principle protection! It received’t work when the New York State athletic Fee convenes and smacks him into actuality. But it surely will work to fireside up Ryan’s uneducated and unsophisticated base of kids. They are going to latch onto the nauseating mantra that Ryan is a sufferer.
Perhaps subsequent he’ll get an orange-glow suntan and work on a whacky comb-over.
Group Garcia has the cash and flashed a staff of 4 attorneys/comics devoted to upholding his tainted honor. They deployed the Casa Blanca feigned innocence trick: “I’m shocked! Shocked that PEDS have been used right here in that boxing ring!”
Group Garcia took such nice umbrage of the allegations that they instantly put out a wide ranging press launch revealing that KingRy himself voluntarily submitted a hair and nail pattern and had it whisked off to the lab of some cat they referred to as the foremost authority on PEDS testing. Hahaha. So silly. They conveniently overlooked the methodology of the testing and protocols in place to make sure correct assortment and chain of custody. So retarded. Then all of them pinky-swore that Ryan has not ever and wouldn’t ever bask in such shenanigans—so assist them God! I pulled a rib cartilage laughing on that one. Ryan’s base nodded solemnly, then roared in settlement with the clowns.
The clown present wasn’t completed. They couldn’t assist however pull the previous. “Ryan’s pattern was tainted with miniscule quantities of Osterine… within the billionth of a gram vary!”. Oh, my. Good Gravy! Actually? Lol. Sadly for Garcia, that measurable degree simply exceeded the utmost allowable ranges that happen naturally in a human being! Son. Yer both pregnant or yer NOT! You, Ryan Garcia examined 100%, definitely, P.R.E.G.N.A.N.T.! Certain, the boxing media will clamor for interviews and his staff and promoter will look solemn and make proclamations and guarantees of righting the wrongs performed him and clearing his good identify. It is going to turn into a cottage business as a result of Ryan has the cache and clout now. He can DO no mistaken.
The “whataboutism” deflections Trump spews will seep out of Group Garcia like a nasty case of The Exorcist gal with meals poisoning. ‘What about Victor Conte?’ What about him? He doesn’t take a look at for VADA. He wasn’t of their lab. “What about VADA?!” What about VADA? They haven’t any canine within the battle and no axe to grind. Desperation will flip to, “Properly, what in regards to the turd within the punchbowl on the quinceanera of that woman over in Whittier, California final October?” Lol. The gig is up. You examined soiled Ryan Garcia. You are soiled, for my part. And it’s not, as you claimed, ‘They’re out to get me as a result of I’m Mexican”. No, it’s as a result of you’re a rat. A rat who, while on PEDS, severely assaulted one other professional boxer, Devin Haney. He most definitely won’t ever be the identical. Hopefully, his father and Group Haney take you to courtroom and sue your panties off; and in addition make you publicly apologize. I can scent that large Haney lawsuit brewing as a sort this.
