I do know there was a Celtics sport final night time, however I’ve really been engaged on a spec script I wished to share with you guys:
Kramer throws open the door.
Kramer: “We out-heated the Warmth!”
Jerry: “We what?”
Kramer: “I’m telling you Jerry, we out-heated the Warmth. The Warmth, you understand, the basketball Warmth, not the temperature warmth? They’ve been, henceforth, out-heated!”
Jerry: “Who even are we?”
Kramer: “Not the Warmth, that’s for positive.”
I’m unsure that I’ll be capable to promote NBC on a revival of Seinfeld with such a bare-bones script, however hopefully the Celtics will present us with extra comedic beat downs of the Miami Warmth in order that I can fill a complete season.
The Celtics completely throttled the Terry Rozier-reloaded Warmth 143-110, guaranteeing that any and all PTSD from final 12 months’s playoffs would stay bottled up and unprocessed till not less than the following time the 2 meet. It was spectacular, unapologetic, and emancipating from a doubtlessly hellish week of NBA dialogue. Briefly, it dominated, and the nightmares of final 12 months’s Japanese Convention Finals gained’t harm me tonight!
If I used to be a Warmth fan proper now, I’d in all probability throw my palms within the air and demand this loss be filed within the “statistical outlier” class of losses contemplating the Celtics dropped a group 63-55-95 line even with Kristaps Porzingis exiting within the third quarter with a left ankle harm.
One group capturing 60 p.c from the sector and over 50 p.c from three and a Celtic rolling their left ankle jogs my memory of a sure playoff collection when… oh, God. The nightmares! They’re again! Caleb Martin! Max Strus! (Gabe Vincent goes for a rebound) Tatum no! Be careful to your ankle! GRANT NO! DON’T DO IT! JIMMY IS DANG—(blacks out)
I assume I spoke too quickly in regards to the nightmares, however it’s comforting to know that the Celtics have been those capturing a mathematically-outlandish clip. Per the NBA on TNT broadcast, they have been the primary group in NBA historical past to have 5 gamers make three three-pointers and three two-pointers, which is a kind of stats that makes you go “actually? The primary ever? I imply… I assume that’s sort of particular… yeah. Yeah, that’s wonderful.”
In the end, little or no in NBA discourse shall be altered by tonight’s sport. The Celtics are in a distinct league talent-wise than the Warmth, and tonight’s destruction merely confirmed that. However the world will neglect how coming into tonight, the Warmth have been one of many scorching groups within the Japanese Convention.
Not winning-wise in fact, as they’d misplaced 4 straight coming in, however narrative-wise, having simply shipped off Kyle Lowry’s eternally-horrific contract and a primary spherical decide for Terry Rozier. It was a commerce that was inconceivable to hate for the Warmth, as Rozier was a contender-level piece quarantined away in Charlotte. It was a kind of “man, the Warmth did it once more” trades, and with Rozier’s historical past in Boston, this was a becoming introduction to his new group.
Due to all that, this sport had the potential to be extraordinarily awkward for the Celtics. If Miami had gained, this sport would have nestled in my mind like a futuristic-mind-control-chip, able to be activated at any second to remind of how the Warmth owned the Celtics. It will have been inconceivable to shake, as even when the Celtics gained the following 37 straight and completed 71-11, the specter of the Warmth would loom over the playoffs like a darkish cloud.
As a substitute, I’m writing Seinfeld parodies and making references to The Workplace. How the flip tables.
They mentioned trauma must be fastidiously processed and professionally dealt with, and that’s undoubtedly true. However sports activities trauma is extra like an infestation of weeds on the cornfields of your mind. You don’t want remedy for weeds, you want a flamethrower.
Enter a complete blowout, right here to carry the fires of justice upon the crimes of previous. Maybe I’m being a bit dramatic, however this win has purchased me sufficient anti-Miami medicine to final not less than till the following matchup. When is that precisely? February eleventh… hmm. That’s not likely that a lot time…
Irrelevant! With regards to Miami, I’ll take all the things I can get. I gained’t enable myself to neglect how emotionally jarring it was to fall down 3-0 to this exact same—nicely, not likely the identical, however we’re going to neglect about that—Miami group. We are able to’t neglect about historical past, in any other case it could repeat itself.
I say “we” like I’m on the group, however it’s actually the Celtics who want to remain targeted on that feeling. Don’t let that ache and disappointment keep prior to now, fairly let it’s the jetpack that propels you previous your prior limitations.
I actually don’t like how that collection made me really feel, and I’ll guess all the cash in my pocket in opposition to all the cash in your pocket that the Celtics don’t both. They are saying when you can’t outrun the previous, run more durable. I feel working is absolutely onerous, so I say carry a flamethrower.